


Death Eating Karaoke

by waddiwasiwitch



Series: Plan verse [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waddiwasiwitch/pseuds/waddiwasiwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Voldemorts Plan but can be read independantly. Voldemort has declared that his Death Eaters partake in karaoke including a reluctant Snape. Can Snape escape this terrible fate or will he *shudder* have to sing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Eating Karaoke

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful world or characters of Harry Potter (but I wish that I did) and I am borrowing them for a little fun. JK gets the dosh so at the very least I get to play.

Death Eating Karaoke[u]

 

Severus Snape was not in the mood for festivities and certainly was not in the mood for karaoke. Ridiculous. He felt ridiculous. But he was to sing on the Dark Lord's orders and so he had little choice. At least he would be able to laugh at the other unfortunates who were to be taking part. Where on earth did the Dark Lord get such idiotic ideas? Sometimes he did wonder if the Dark Lord had multiple personalities. Severus had been working frantically to find some way of sabotaging the whole thing but to no avail. However, that did not mean that he could not use it to his own advantage. His most recent hideout was in a Muggle area and he decided to venture out into Muggle Newcastle in order to buy a cam recorder to record the event. It was hidden in his robes and was spelled to record all the show except his own performance of course. He owed Hagrid a laugh if anything and if Potter could actually do something important like locating a Horcrux then maybe he would give it to him as a present. His Muggle bank account did come in handy once in a while.

Severus was dressed in his customary black robes and his usual scowl. He arrived at the venue, which was decorated in garish decorations and silver disco balls and almost laughed out loud. It seemed more befitting of the likes of Gilderoy Lockhart than the Dark Lord. Just then he spotted the very man. The Dark Lord was dressed in an eighties style shiny robes. It was not just Muggles that had suffered from bad dress sense in the eighties. Voldemort was surrounded by his usual yes-men: Bellatrix Lestrange and Peter Pettigrew. Severus was glad to be rid of that rat. As far as he was concerned the Dark Lord was welcome to the pest. The Dark Lord waved him over and so he obediently albeit reluctantly headed in his direction.

"I see that you have not entered into the spirit of the occasion," the Dark Lord said eying his familiar-looking robes.

"No, my Lord. I may have to lose some of my dignity but I will not be parted from my robes," Severus replied.

The Dark Lord smiled.

"I remember a time when you were parted from them all right," Pettrigrew whispered maliciously.

Severus glared at the balding excuse of a wizard but quickly turned his attention back to their master. The rat was not worth the bother.

"Are you ready for the karaoke?" the Dark Lord asked.

"Yes, my Lord," Severus answered shuffling uneasily. This was going to be a long night. He excused himself as he needed a strong Fire whiskey and he was feeling rather green around the gills. At the drinks table he bumped into Fenrir Greyback. That man made his skin crawl. Apparently he was the one that bit Remus Lupin. It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for Marauder but not quite.

"I wonder will I get any other chances to attack Hogwarts? Such a pity that last time I got no chance." The werewolf grinned showing his pointy teeth. Severus found it difficult to be in close proximity to werewolves since his near miss as a teenager. As Greyback walked away Severus took a strong gulp from the glass of Fire whiskey he had poured out for himself.   
Suddenly, the Dark Lord's voice broke into his reverie. "Death Eaters. Welcome to this splendid party. I hope to get as many of you as possible up to the karaoke machine. So who would like to begin?"

Voldemort's red eyes scanned the dance floor for his first victim and Severus tried to remain inconspicuous for the time being. If and it was a big if he had to embarrass himself then it could wait until the guests were no longer sober. Severus breathed a sigh of relief when his gaze was upon Narcissa Malfoy. Although she was not a fully-fledged Death Eater she was always at the social occasions as a favour to Bellatrix and Lucius. She looked rather apprehensive as she headed towards the stage, which was not a look often seen on this woman.

"I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. Life in plastic is fantastic…"

Severus almost spat out his drink. How truly apt! Narcissa would have nobody know it but she did avail of Muggle anti-aging methods such as Botox and Lucius had told him that she had even let a Muggle surgeon give her a facelift once. It seemed even Muggle medicine had a use for those who even refused to speak to Muggleborns. Surely she would not have chosen that particular song herself. Suddenly he realized, with a groan, that the Dark Lord must have the machine spelled for certain songs for certain people. So it seemed he would not get to perform the song he had chosen at all. So much for all the practicing of the song "I am a Rock" with a hairbrush in front of a well at least it would make the other performances more entertaining.

The next to step up were Crabbe and Goyle senior. Every time he saw this sorry pair he became more and more determined that their sons would not turn out like them. But it seemed that now he was no longer in a position to save them.

"We don't need no education…"

Yes they did and lots. However "ignorance is bliss" seemed to be their philosophy.

"No dark sarcasm in the classroom"

Now, he definitely disagreed with that. Dark humour was the only thing that got him through his lessons especially those that included Longbottom. While he found many of the following performances very entertaining he was starting to feel a bit apprehensive about the song he could be forced to sing. Considering the other selections it seemed as if it could prove very excruciating.

Severus found himself wandering over yet again to the drinks table. The temptation to get drunk was beginning to sound very appealing. It was not wise though. He knew that. Alcohol could lead to loosened lips and loosened lips did not a good traitor make. In fact it could probably mean death for him. Instead he poured himself a glass of butter beer and swallowed it quickly. He grimaced, as the taste was much too sweet for his liking. Just as he was leaving the table to head back into some dark corner he heard an unwelcome but familiar voice.

"Snape, are you having a good time?" sneered Bellatrix from behind him.

"Quite," Severus replied in clipped tones and continued walking.

"I hope you will be joining us on our next Muggle-baiting excursion," she shouted after his retreating back, "There's no Dumbledore to excuse you from getting your hands dirty anymore".

He winced inaudibly at the reminder of his part in the death of his mentor and friend. He knew better than to show it and so he simply replied "Perhaps". He thought for one moment that she was going to follow him but if she had intended to do so she was prevented from it as the Dark Lord announced that she was next up onto the stage. He smirked and found himself an empty corner from which he could view her performance. He watched with amusement as Bellatrix began crooning Patsy Cline's "Crazy". That woman's sanity had always been in question so he firmly agreed with the woman's words for once. Maybe this would be worth his while after all. He caught her eye and raised his brows. She glared at him malevolently and he decided that he had better watch his back for the rest of the night.

Severus was even more pleased to see Pettigrew take to the stage next. This should be good, he thought. He waited for the music to begin. His smirk turned to a wide smile as he listened to Pettigrew sing about rat traps. It was another truly apt choice that the Dark Lord had made. A rat trap for the biggest rat of them all!

"It's a rat trap and I've been caught"

The Dark Lord's voice rung out again and he heard his name being called. Damn. The last line of the song reverberated in his mind and the smile left his face.

Severus headed towards the stage and the karaoke machine. Maybe, just maybe he would be allowed sing the song that he had chosen himself. That was a good song. It was something that he could perform while retaining his dignity. However as soon as he stepped up he recognised the opening bars of a famous female anthem starting and he knew he was beaten. He could feel a voice in his head. It was something similar to the Imperius curse but not as strong. He instinctively fought it but then he realized that it was not worth his life. His dignity would have to take a backseat for once.

"At first I was afraid I was petrified.."

Although he was extremely discomfited he kept his face impassive as he sang those foolish lyrics. Despite the questionable quality of the lyrics and melody he decided that like the stupid woman who was singing he would persevere.

"I will survive."

Three minutes of mortification ensued and he knew he would never live this down. He would survive but with his ego firmly bruised not that he intended to let anybody realize this. There was worse to come however as once he was finished the Dark Lord howled for an encore and he suddenly found himself singing to Michael Jackson's "Bad".

"Dance," the Dark Lord demanded.

Severus found his body moving to the beat. He could see the crowd roaring in laughter and once the song ended he made to rush off stage but not before the Dark Lord made him bow dramatically. Fortunately as soon as he stepped away from the karaoke machine he felt the curse lift. It must be somehow linked to the machine. His keen mind tempted him to look closely at the machine and decipher how precisely his master had achieved it. However he thought better of it and instead composed himself and walked off in the direction of a chair and sat down. As he looked around he saw quite a few smug looking faces. He would retain his composure and he vowed to hex the next person that came near him. He would dearly love to leave but he knew that he would have to wait until the Dark Lord gave his performance. Therefore he was thankful once he saw that the Dark Lord was taking to the stage a few minutes later. The crowd cheered and applauded. Severus clapped politely. Suddenly the lights went out and there were hushed whispers of "Lumos" and all around him he watched as the other Death Eaters' wands lit up. He snorted as they waved them about in an uncanny resemblance to Muggles waving lighters at a concert. His attention quickly switched to the Dark Lord and his shiny robes as the music struck up. He watched as the Dark Lord swished his wand in the direction of the disco ball just above him. For one moment he was tempted to drop the disco ball on the head of his so-called master but somehow he doubted that the disco ball would rid the world of that incarnation of evil.

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,

I'm a woman's man, no time to talk."

Severus shook his head in amusement. So he was "Stayin alive" was he? Not if he or indeed Potter had anything to say about it. He watched as the most feared wizard in the world danced under a big shiny disco ball. Severus mused for a moment at the madness that was Lord Voldemort. He could send out his Death Eaters to kill as many Muggles as possible and yet he could not resist Muggle Karaoke.

"What am I?" he shouted to his adoring fans.

"You're ah ah ah ah stayin' alive!" they roared.

Once the performance was over Severus left as quietly as he could. Unfortunately, Pettigrew spotted him leaving.

"Not leaving already Snape," he said in a high false voice.

Severus simply continued on his way but waved his wand behind him. Rattraps could be awfully handy when dealing with vermin. He heard Pettigrew attempt to shout at him but with a trap on his tongue it proved an impossible feat.

"Sorry, I did not get that. Are you tongue tied?" Severus replied. He may have been humiliated but there was no way that he would allow the Rat man to taunt him. Besides he had a videotape to edit and there was popcorn waiting for him in the apartment. He could enjoy the performances much better this time, as he no longer had to worry about his own party piece. He walked off with a grin on his face, his black robes billowing about him.

The End  
****************

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story. I certainly enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I hope the songs I have given the characters are clear. The only one that may not be known is "Rat trap" by The Boomtown Rats sung by Pettrigrew. The song Narcissa sings is of course Barbie Girl by Aqua, Bellatrix sings Crazy by Patsy Cline while Crabbe and Goyle Senior sing Pink Floyds Another Brick in the Wall. Also there was "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor, "Bad" by Michael Jackson and "Staying Alive" by The BeeGees.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
